We've improved our service to you - Oh No!

Don’t you just dread the words “to improve our service to you ….”?

It usually means that something has gone seriously, disastrously wrong or will do shortly.

Lebanon is no longer on the short list of “do not go to” countries. Its central bank is looked at as a centre of excellence in the Middle East for attacking money laundering. Nevertheless, certain companies, iTunes for example, will not accept a Lebanese credit card and yet others, Microsoft springs to mind, will not accept any kind of banking plastic issued by one country with a home address in another. My solution to those problems is simple, keep one UK credit card registered at a UK address. This isn’t fraud, as I own the property where the card is registered, and live there for a period of time in most years.

So far so good, until NatWest, in their infinite wisdom decided to “improve our service to you” and send me a new credit card, of course, to the UK address. Now the number of emails and text messages I get telling me of some wonderful new product or to give me advance warning of something, is legion. NatWest themselves go to great lengths to ensure that I keep my email address with them up-to-date and to offer me special on-line credit card services, they send me emails, telling me when my eStatement is ready to be viewed eLectronically. Nevertheless, nothing appeared to warn me of the impending debacle.

The property where the card is registered had tenants in, and they, the tenants, God bless them, did the decent thing and returned the new card to the bank.

At which point NatWest cancelled my credit card account; still no email, so I found out in the usual embarrassing way of having a payment declined. When I called the bank to find out what had gone wrong, the following Catch 22 conversation ensued.

“To improve our service to you, we’ve issued you with a new credit card and cancelled your old one – the new card was returned to us”.
“Thank you. Could you please un-improve the service and re-instate the old card, then I could use it to buy things again?”
“No, but we could send you a second new card.”
“OK, would you please send it to me here?”
“Certainly, just give me the security code on the back of the card so I can change the address where the card is to be sent”.
I gave the security code.
“Oh no, I mean the security code from the new card!!!!”
“But it was returned to you – you have it, how could I possibly know what it is.”
“It’s what our procedures require!!!!!!”
“But that’s just plain daft, HOW CAN I KNOW THE SECURITY CODE ON THE BACK OF A RETURNED CARD?????”
“Please don’t take that tone with me, Sir, it’s a security requirement ….. to improve our service to you.”

As luck would have it, I am in England for a few days, and so have managed to arrange going to the local branch to pick the thing up in person. I hope it’s there, as I can only speak to a call centre now, not somebody who is actually in the branch. Of course, the reason I can’t is that they’ve “improved the service to me” … again