Another form of virtual reality? Yes, your CV!

How do you write a CV that will impress?

Now you’d think that the business of reading and writing curriculum vitae was a seriously boring subject, in fact, if you’ve got this far, then well done, BUT …

Advising on how to condense into a few words your working strengths, personality, character and approach to life has become a veritable industry. I’m on the receiving end at the moment, trawling through tens of CVs to try to find candidates that will be able to perform a job that I want done. It seems to me that the first rule of CV writing is to throw out all modesty and recognize that the objective of the CV is not to tell the truth but to get an interview.

For a potential employer, the no-no is an unexplained gap. I remember being persuaded to interview a chap who’d had eight consecutive years unexplained on his job history. Now, OK, I’m not David Frost, but people do sometimes open up. It transpired that the fellow had been insulted in a pub and, in a fit of rage turned on his tormentor and … killed him. Convicted of murder, he was released after eight years for “good behavior”. Now what does that mean, that he didn’t knife anyone else while inside???

OK, so not all the gaps will be explained by prison sentences, and anyway, the whole idea of a prison sentence is that on completion the debt to society has been paid and the slate wiped clean. (Do I hear a ragged chorus of “yeah, right”.) There are plenty of other reasons for spending time without work, that is being (and get ready for the word) unemployed. And a terrible word it is; unemployed is a word with innuendos of poverty for my parents’ generation and failure for mine.

For the current generation, however, it’s become an opportunity for the CV spin doctors. Hide it with other words. How about “dynamically exploiting the opportunities for creative self-awareness”, or “touching life’s endless bounties during every waking minute, unfettered by externally imposed interruptions”. I have to admit that the second one is a bit of invention, but I saw the first one on a letter attaching a CV a few weeks ago.

OK let’s leave the realm of nothing at all and get round to those menial jobs of youth. How do we spin those evenings spent serving beer for cash at the Student’s Union? “Client facing national beverage dispensing operative, with full revenue responsibility” perhaps.

Having a paper round? “Information logistics supply specialist”.

You get the picture, I’m sure. So onto another aspect of document writing, how do you put a security classification on CV? Out goes “highly confidential and top secret” ’cos you want it read by anyone who’s going to give you a salary, so how about “highly un-confidential and of extreme self-importance”?

Now what actually inspired all this? Well, seeing on a CV lists of supposed knowledge. The inventive individual concerned grouped skills under “expertise” and “technical knowledge”. Technical knowledge meant he’d read a book on the subject and expertise meant he’d tried to use the knowledge at least once (with or without success was left to the imagination).

So, to answer the question posed at the start of this little piece,
• By all means gift wrap reality, but don’t create expectations that can’t be fulfilled
• Be creative about what you got out of an experience, but don’t make the experience other than what it was.
• Remember that if the CV is going to get you an interview, you’re going to have justify what’s written on the CV.

Now how will I package the writing of this blog, I wonder, on my own CV? Well I won’t. I just attach the blog address to the bottom of each email and hope that people enjoy at least some of the pieces I write.

A poem about the Internet

Well now, after some months of hiatus, there's a new government here. So there's a chance that not only will someone see this, but might actually take some notice. OK, I can dream can't I?

Electrons do not make a sound
As nuclei they circle round
Nor in the wires both short and long
No sight, no sound, no hint of pong.

Well that last one is not quite true,
Some melting insulation drew
A crowd, attracted by the smell
And then repulsed, it ran pell mell

But I digress, that’s nothing new,
From what I want to talk to you
About, and that’s the internet
And what it does, let’s not forget

It joins up people everywhere
And in an instant, always there
With words and pictures, even sound
On every day the whole year round.

How is this miracle achieved?
And doing all at near light speed?
It’s those electrons running well
(They go just like a bat from hell).

From here to there’s no time at all
For them, it’s like our “down the hall”
To go from Frisco to Beirut
While passing Birmingham en route.

They’ll stick together, as a group
Forming an odd quantum soup
To carry letters, videos,
And pictures of a baby’s toes

Beginning forty years ago,
The internet, it started slow
Just joining learnèd ’cross the seas
For each to share their latest wheeze

But now housewives and judges use
(As long as nothing blows a fuse)
Oh, yes it’s here for everyone
PLEASE SPEED IT UP IN LEBANON

"For a Brighter Future"

Losing a child is perhaps the most devastating blow that can be imagined for a family.
All credit to the family of Karim Rayess then for setting up the Tamanna charitable foundation in 2005 to celebrate his short life. The aim of the foundation is simple – turning tears into laughter. It’s a sort of latter day “Jim’ll fix it” for kids who are seriously ill, and they’ve persuaded the British singer James Blunt to give a charity concert at Biel on 27th June, tickets available from Virgin. How have they done that? Well, because a child expressed the wish to see him sing!
Announced at the start of the British Lebanese Business Group’s meeting last Tuesday, it’s being strongly supported by the British Embassy here, as an initiative from a local foundation and as a British cultural event.
Which led us neatly (you'll see why) on to our main speaker, Bashra Salha, who gave us an exposition of the work of an organisation, the British Lebanese Association, set up in the UK during the Civil War by concerned Lebanese living there and British Friends to promote cultural links between the two countries. As a by-product, it has generated money for charities since its inception.
Again, the focus for benefit is the young, and specifically through education. For example, there is a Scholarship Fund for assisting Lebanese young men and women pursue post-graduate courses in Britain and direct assistance to Arc-en-Ciel, who are integrating disabled children into mainstream schools here in Lebanon.
Fund-raising has so far been exclusively in Britain, but this year will spread to Lebanon for the first time.
More details can be found on www.britishlebanese.org and www.arcenciel.org
So our meeting this time was not for planning, and money and facts but to provide us all with the opportunity to reflect on the most important of activities for those of us lucky enough to have achieved some standing in life – to pass our knowledge and wisdom (such as it might be) onto the next generation, and across the spectrum from those with obvious ability and talent and to those whose start has been less fortunate.
And so to the title of this little piece - it's the slogan of the British Lebanese Association's flagship fundraising event this year. A concept, however, with mulitple applications, and even useable in the worst imaginable situations.